Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
