ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
