My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
