2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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