He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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