need another drink. this is the easiest way
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
