in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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