Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
