Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
