In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
