would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
