did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
