I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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