i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize