NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
