I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
