Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
