You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
