i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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