we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
