I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
