if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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