You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
