watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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