My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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