maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
