My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
