I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
