So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
