You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
