At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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