and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
