You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
