Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
