I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
