I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
