Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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