I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
