So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
