So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
