i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
