are you still at the devil's house?
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
