Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
