using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
