She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
