maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
