Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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