so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
