so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
