Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
