he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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