My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we're so committed to being not committed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
