After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
