He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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