But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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