sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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