He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
