i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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