Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
