she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize