You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
