bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize