Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
