Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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