it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
