You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
