Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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