Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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