haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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