fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
