Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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