Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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