You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
