remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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